


Together

by Sar863



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bellamy Blake - Freeform, Bellarke, Canon Universe, F/M, Feels, Hiatus, Post-Season/Series 04, Sad Clarke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-27
Updated: 2017-05-27
Packaged: 2018-11-05 15:52:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11016624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sar863/pseuds/Sar863
Summary: After the death wave, I imagine Clarke has a lot of time alone in the Lab with just a radio and her thoughts. This is how she survives.Comment if you would like to see a follow-up with Bellamy's POV!





	Together

Time is a cruel thing. You either have too much of it or not enough. 

She woke up alone in the lab, covered in boils with nothing but time. At first, she was too sick to notice it. To think about it. But after a few weeks, she realizes that she is now trapped alone with the one person she hates the most. 

Herself. 

She keeps herself busy but as the days turn into weeks her mind keeps pulling her back to one person. The one person she wishes was here with her. She doesn't notice it at first. Doesn't think anything of it but as time goes by and the silence grows louder, she begins to understand what it means. 

She has always associated love with passion. How Finn could smile at her and it would make her heart flutter. How Lexa could give her a look that would make her knees weak. Powerful. Overwhelming. Undeniable. 

But she also associated it with pain. How she felt empty inside after plunging that knife into Finn. Or how it felt like the world was torn out from under her when that bullet slammed itself into Lexa. Heartbreaking. Life changing. Terrible.

She had lived through that kind of love and survived it. She had walked the long complicated road to finding who she was afterward and had learned to like the person she was for it. Stronger. Braver. Hopeful despite it all.

But that was before the death wave. And that was before losing him. This was something else entirely. This was like losing a limb.

She thinks sometimes it hurts worse because there is nothing to do but sit with it. For the first time since hitting the ground, there is no plan to put into action. There is no one left to save. She just sits in Becca’s lab, day after day, attempting to radio the Ark. She wanders around recalculating her rations and water supply. She looks at the computer and reruns over and over again how long it will be until she can go outside. 

She asks herself the same questions over and over. How long does she need her measly rations to last? How many times can she flip a switch and get nothing but silence without throwing the radio across the room? How long until she can go out and see the stars again? 

Mostly, she thinks about him. 

At first, she thought about them all. She would remember the good moments and the awful ones. She would think about the last thing she said to them. How so many times there was never time for a real goodbye. She thinks that she wishes she had hugged people more. 

At first, she radios everyone. She tries the bunker. She calls out for her mom. She begs for Octavia to answer. She tries to find the Ark’s signal. She screams for Raven. She swears at Murphy. 

But over time she stops looking for them. She stops needing them. She just holds down that tiny button on the side of her radio and talks to him.

Because he knows what it's like to carry this. 

She holds down that button and tells him all the things she never had to say to him out loud. How she hates herself most days. How she hates being a leader. How she couldn’t stand to look at her own reflection until she was forced too. How after the mountain she was never the same. 

She tells him about how much she misses everyone. She talks about all of them. The ones she isn't sure made it. The ones who she knows are gone for good. She cries when she tells him stories about Roan and Lexa. How she feels responsible for Jasper. 

She tells him about how afraid she was that day in the tower. How she wasn't sure she would survive taking the chip. Not until he held her hand so tightly she actually believed she was tethered to the world by his grip. How she knew he wouldn’t let her go just like he didn’t when she fell into that pit. 

She tells him about all the ways he saved her.

She tells him about how that conversation they had in Arcadia, where he had tears in his eyes, still gave her nightmares. How she knew she had lost him and how much that terrified her. How that moment on the beach, when he opened up to her and let her hug him, was what she needed too because she couldn’t do it without him. She couldn't survive without him. 

She tells him about wanting to give up. About how she sometimes sits and thinks about all the different ways she can make it stop. How she considers them on a minute by minute basis. She tells him that some days the only reason she gets up is to talk to him. That she tells herself she can’t end it because they will come back and they will find her and she can’t do that to him. 

She tells him that she loves him. 

Not in the ways she had before. Not in the way she had always thought it would be. No. She tells him that she loves him because she can’t remember who she is without him. She loves him because he keeps her alive, even now, after nothing but silence. She tells him she loves him because he loves her for who she is. For who she's been and for whoever it is that she will become. 

And so she keeps talking. She keeps surviving because he has to be out there. Somehow she knows he is and they made a promise. 

Together.

So she waits for him and she knows somehow that he is waiting for her.

Together. Even when they are apart.

So she will survive.


End file.
